They’re b-a-a-a-ck

Hilarious. Just mention a rumor of Howard Stern replacing Simon Cowell on American Idol and the so-called Parents Television Council rears its head again. Haven’t heard from them in a while — have we? — because they and their coconspirators at the FCC succeeded in making broadcast TV and radio into dull, flavorless tapioca. But getting rid of Stern didn’t help the PTC because they used him to scare their constituency and raise money. And that’s why they’re eagerly chomping into this rumor — spread by Stern himself — even though he has not appeared on broadcast and has not said one four-letter word. Putting out a press release reveals their true motives.

“Given ‘American Idol’s’ extreme popularity with family audiences, I hope that Fox will put the rumors to rest and announce that it has no intention of adding to the show one of the most profane, sexually explicit and anti-family performers in the history of the broadcast medium — either as a guest or as a judge,” PTC President Tim Winter said in a statement Wednesday. “Unless Stern intends to undergo some sort of moth-to-butterfly metamorphosis — though in his case the change would be more like rattlesnake-to-Labrador Retriever — adding him to ‘American Idol’ would spell immediate death for one of the best franchises in American family entertainment.” . . .

“Fox should move immediately to repudiate these rumors and instead commit publicly to keeping ‘American Idol’ safe for family viewing,” Winter said.

They even made a petition to protest a rumor. Idle hands….

For old time’s sake, here’s my exclusive reporting on the lie of FCC indecency fines: how the Parents Television Council manufactured the “uproar” that led to what was then the largest fine in FCC history: only three people bothered to actually write complaints and only a few score bothered to hit the PTC’s complaint machine button. The Parents Television Council speaks for no one but its banker.

: When Howard talked about Ellen Degeneres threatening to quit — oh, please — if he came on, I called into the show this morning.