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The Oscars we didn’t see

35 comments on The Oscars we didn’t see

The Oscars we didn’t see

: Chris Rock acted like he was visiting his grandmother. He couldn’t be him. He had to worry about obnoxious prigs like Sean Penn giving him crap for a Jude Law joke. Jeesh.

: On Howard this morning, Artie Lang said a pal of his wrote a joke for Rock that Rock was too nervous to use. The introduction of Halle Berry he should have made: “Our next presenter has lost more men than the Iraqi army.”

: And getaloada of the fracas over the producers’ efforts to edit a ditty that Robin Williams was going to sing [via TalkLeft]:

Overnight, Mr. Shaiman and his partner, Scott Wittman, dashed off a mock expos

35 responses to “The Oscars we didn’t see”

  1. Mark Avatar
    Mark

    “Our next presenter has lost more men than the Iraqi army” – I’m glad that Rock passed on that joke, as to me just seems to be tasteless (especially considering how over 100 men wanting to be in the security forces were murdered today).
    Rock was just not a good host. I like him as a standup comic, but his racial humor did not work at an awards show. And that “skit” he did with Adam Sandler? Awful. That was worse than Dave Letterman’s “Oprah, Uma. Uma, Oprah” gig.

  2. pdq332 Avatar
    pdq332

    Am I the only one that finds it a little odd that if you take sex and Republican issues out of the mix, then our nations top joke writiers all of a sudden have nothing to say? Indeed, for many people it is not so much that we are prudes who find Hollywood dangerous, but rather that we just find Hollywood pathetic.
    There’s plenty of good material out there. How about making fun of the failed Iraqi insurgents and Michael Moore, or Howard Dean for that matter?

  3. Tony Avatar
    Tony

    Chris Rock made fun of Michael Moore.

  4. Jeff Jarvis Avatar
    Jeff Jarvis

    Yes, PDQ, you’re the only one.
    (Sorry. Couldn’t resist. ;-))

  5. rcs Avatar
    rcs

    For the record, Rock riffed on Michael Moore, saying that Moore was probably thinking (after F 9-11 didn’t get a nomination) that he should have just made “Super-Size Me,” especially since Moore had already done all the necessary research.
    I think those other topics are left to Dan Savage and his ilk. Talk about pathetic.

  6. carsonfire Avatar
    carsonfire

    Some good material, there… I would have liked to see Robin Williams do that bit… but at the Oscars? Heck, no.
    The Academy Awards are consistently boring regardless of who hosts it or who performs it because it has long ago lost sight of its sense of purpose, and seems clueless in finding it again.
    The Awards ceremony should be just that: an awards ceremony. It is the endless acts in between presentations that makes the night drag on interminably, not a recipient going three seconds over his time thanking people. Show a few clips of the movies; talk about what a great year Hollywood has had; close the dang thing up within an hour so people can move on to entertainment that *they* choose.
    What should be Hollywood’s #1 commercial for the year instead looks like a self-indulgent orgy every time around. Why would I want to hear a comic monologue or watch a band of badly choreographed, third-string dancers, when I just tuned in to see if Jamie Foxx got best actor or not? In this informational age, the Oscars are anti-informational. “Best actor? We’ll let you know three hours from now!” That’s not suspense… that’s idiocy.
    This correction in itself would solve the censorship problem. Instead of foisting blue material on families that want to watch the movie awards, save it for an appropriate comedy program.

  7. Mumblix Grumph Avatar
    Mumblix Grumph

    I, for one, was surprised to find out that Chris Rock and Jamie Foxx were black!
    I’m SO glad that Rock reminded us every 3 minutes so we wouldn’t forget.

  8. paladin Avatar
    paladin

    But Jeff, won’t the Oscars always be “tapioca” to some until someone like Howard Stern hosts them?

  9. jonny goldstein Avatar
    jonny goldstein

    It’s a weird time we live in. On the one hand, any citizen with internet can watch the most extreme porn imaginable, but on the public airwaves, people can’t swear in the context of a movie like Saving Private Ryan. Maybe when TV and the Internet completely converge, which I don’t think is that far off, the FCC won’t have any say over the video content people consume and the marketplace will rule. Then if you don’t like it, you don’t have to watch it. And if the market doesn’t bear wardrobe malufunctions at the Super Bowl, then they will stop happening. Personally, this is a future I’m looking forward to.
    On the exploding TV tip, here is a video by Jay Dedman and Ryan Hodson, two people pushing the envelope in videoblogging talking about the future of citizen produced RSS distributed video:

  10. pdq332 Avatar
    pdq332

    Other than the content, the other thing that perenially bugs me about the Oscars is the spectacle of million dollar actors and performers tripping over each others’ lines and failing to read from a teleprompter. I could do a better job than Dustin Hoffman did last night with Barbra Steissssand.
    Tony and rcs: I missed the diss on Moore. I have to admit now that I was not awake for the whole show. And yes, I agree that jokes on hardcore wonkery probably wouldn’t get much more than blank stares.
    Jeff: Oh, how lonely it is. Next year, I promise to reprise this lonely experience by skipping the Oscars altogether and just read BuzzMachine. (Bah-dah-ching!)

  11. GC Avatar
    GC

    Anyone who believes that making fun of people dying is funny has a screw loose.
    No one even watches the Oscars anymore except for those who live vicariously through the “stars”.

  12. ronbo Avatar
    ronbo

    Maybe the weird format, bad writing and flat delivery were intentional – some kind of protest against the FCC. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

  13. The Human Saladbar Avatar
    The Human Saladbar

    I didn’t watch these “Oscars.” I spent Sunday praying, churning butter, cleaning my buggywhips, covering myself, sparing the rod and spoiling the child, and adjusting the allocation in my 401(k) to 100% Biogen Idec shares, just like every real American should have been.

  14. Hovig Avatar
    Hovig

    “Welcome to broadcast in the ’00s.”
    I’m guessing that’s pronounced “the oh-ohs.”

  15. Mike Avatar
    Mike

    Hey Jeff, Artie’s friend’s joke is awful. It’s not funny and just stupid. Hopefully Rock chose not to use it because he thought it sucked. And Rock’s type of humor didn’t work for that type of telecast, that’s why he fell flat.
    Although the ratings were up, most likely because people tuned in to see if Rock would say anthing controversial.
    That being said, this all seems to be much ado about nothing. So ABC has broadcast standards and some material had to be redone to be brought up to that standard, is that really something we should care about? Is Robin Williams being told to rewrite his song an affront to the First Amendment? Come on.
    Don’t you feel safer now?
    What does that mean exactly? Just curious what you are trying to relate this post to with that statement?
    Welcome to broadcast in the ’00s: Tapioca.
    Yeah, TV nowadays is so clean and vanilla. Shows like NYPD Blue and Desperate Housewives were much more prevalent back in the day. I like watching those shows, they get away with a lot more than they use to, so don’t tell me there is an assault on the first amendment because of censorship of TV programming.

  16. TalkLeft Avatar
    TalkLeft

    I agree, the dullest Oscars ever. Just as bad were the constant commercials for the new shows Blind Justice and Gray’s Anatomy. I’ve already decided not to watch either one.

  17. Matthew Ryan Avatar
    Matthew Ryan

    A Michael Moore fat joke. How clever.
    I exited at ‘1,000 dead Target employees and then we found out they weren’t making tee shirts after all’. No WMDs! How topical…………for 18 months ago.

  18. The Inhuman Meatmarket Avatar
    The Inhuman Meatmarket

    I didn’t watch these “Oscars.” I spent Sunday praying, churning butter, cleaning my buggywhips, covering myself, sparing the rod and spoiling the child, and adjusting the allocation in my 401(k) to 100% Biogen Idec shares, just like every real American should have been.
    That’s too bad. It’s no fun watching the Oscars unless I can fantasize about Bible toting suburbanites like yourself getting your underwear in a twist over boobs flapping on TV or the occasional joke ripping conservative “values”. Now we have no boobs, no jokes, and no bible types to get offended: where did all the fun go? After all, I can go rent a porno for the boobs or for the four letter words if that’s all I was interested in, for Pete’s sake.

  19. Gary Johnston Avatar
    Gary Johnston

    Geez, what’s with the people saying they exited/turned off the TV during the Bush part of Rock’s monologue? It started as a riff on Fahrenheit 9/11 – Rock gave Bush props for as a man re-applying for his job while “there’s a movie in every theatre in America about how much you suck at your job.”
    I’m one of those people who agrees that the host should concentrate on mocking the nominated movies, but the Academy already screwed that pooch by nominating the first blockbuster-free lineup since 1990. Rock HAD to talk about Fahrenheit and The Passion to make up for the omission. I thought he batted a .700 at least.
    Anyway, Bush fans really need a humor transplant when it comes to jokes about the president. I don’t assume they were clicking off their TVs to protest Clinton scandal jokes in 1998 and 1999.

  20. Richard Aubrey Avatar
    Richard Aubrey

    You mean I missed the Oscars? I thought they were next week or something.
    Huh.
    I might have been doing something else….
    Did anything important or interesting happen?
    Oh, that’s right. It’s Chris Farley who’s dead. I was confused for a moment.
    Man, it’s tough to keep up with Hollywood.
    Especially if, as with a good many Americans, you just don’t give a bleep about Hollywood.

  21. Angelos Avatar
    Angelos

    I’m less concerned with the fact that they toned down Robin Williams’ bit than the fact that they keep trotting that hack out there. He hasn’t been truly funny since about 1982. For about a decade after that he kind of coasted. Since the early 90s, he has been not just unfunny, but damned annoying. Please, put him out of his misery.
    My take on the Oscars is this:
    The whole point is awarding the actors, producers, and technical people. Right? That’s the whole damned point! So why is Gil Cates so obsessed with removing them from the equation? I WANT to see the next Cuba Gooding-style flipout, or Halle Berry-style breakdown, or Julia Roberts (even though she annoys me) reprimanding the orchestra when they gave her the hook. Sure, there are many BORING speeches that consist of nothing but name-dropping. Fine, boot them off the stage with loud music. But when Morgan Freeman finally wins an Oscar, if he wants 5 minutes, he gets 5 minutes. He’s earned it. Yes, he chose short and sweet, that’s fine. But he gets whatever the hell he wants. And when 4 guys and/or gals win an award togther, give them EACH 15 or 20 seconds to say thanks and a few ‘hellos’ and ‘I love yous’. Not 20 seconds for the whole group. Give them the moment in the limelight. Here’s an idea – kill Robin Williams and his unfunny intro to the animation awards (that was at least 14 painful minutes right), and spread that time around to people who have earned something.
    And the other thing about last night, who’s stupid idea was it to take out clips of the documentaries, short films, etc? We are celebrating film right?
    The Oscars are about film, and the people who make film possible (and better). So of course, they remove film and people from the Oscar broadcast as much as they can. BRILLIANT!
    “No WMDs! How topical…………for 18 months ago.”
    Actually Matt, it was only a few months ago they finally gave up on that lie, and admitted that there was nothing. And with 100s of people a month (or a morning) still getting killed as a result of our bullshit “self-defense” rationale for the war, I hink it’s quite worthy of a joke. And an impeachment while we’re at it.

  22. Chaunce Hayden Avatar
    Chaunce Hayden

    “Am I the only one that finds it a little odd that if you take sex and Republican issues out of the mix, then our nations top joke writiers all of a sudden have nothing to say?”
    At least two of Rock’s writers, Rich Vos and Nick DiPaolo (aka Artie Lange’s pal), are self described conservatives and always spouted right wing talking points when discussing current events on the cancelled Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn on Comedy Central.
    Later in the evening Rock delivered this line:
    “Oprah is so rich I just saw John Kerry proposing to her.” Pretty good, but I think I’ve heard Imus or someone use it before.
    I thought Rock was not even close to his best, but that it was a nice change from the awful Whoopie Goldberg and the cloying Billy Crystal.
    The brief tribute to Johnny Carson showed what a good host is like, I think everyone pales in comparison to him.
    That was the first Oscars I’ve watched for more than ten minutes in a long time, I really think award shows are a real waste of an evening unless you or someone you know is nominated.

  23. tony Avatar
    tony

    for your consideration, i’ve posted the entire Moore/Bush joke sequence from Rock’s monologue
    i thought it was funny.

  24. AlanC Avatar
    AlanC

    The one problem with the Oscars that no one seems to have mentioned is that they now lack any semblance of class, nuance or subtlety.
    These days you’ve got a lot of actresses and actors trying to live up to the glamourous Hollywood of the good old days in their gowns, jewels and tuxes acting like a bunch of high school kids at their first dress up prom. Being entertained by the lowest class of popular entertainers.
    It would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic.

  25. tony Avatar
    tony

    “Being entertained by the lowest class of popular entertainers.”
    Lowest class? Please tell me who is low class in what you saw last night Alan?
    Performers: Antonio Banderas, Beyonc

  26. Kat Avatar
    Kat

    Did they mention fellow filmmaker, Theo Van Gogh, by any chance? Or couldn’t they think of an appropriate muslim terrorist joke?

  27. Brian H Avatar
    Brian H

    The only important thing about the Oscars was that “Ryan” won.

  28. AlanC Avatar
    AlanC

    Didn’t watch all of it so missed Yo Yo Ma.
    Chris Rock and Counting Crows and Carlos Santana in particular fit my definition of low class.
    This does NOT mean low talent, e.g. I ignore Santana’s politics to revel in his music as I’ve done for more then 30 years!
    What I meant by low class was a lack of sophistication or nuance or subtlety. As has been said before, better by others, the Academy’s problem is that familiarity breeds contempt. There is no more sense of mystery or difference betweent the Academy and anything else in the never ending deluge of celebrity fawning events.

  29. Matthew Ryan Avatar
    Matthew Ryan

    “what’s with the people saying they exited/turned off the TV during the Bush part of Rock’s monologue”
    “1,000 dead”, “bleeding all over the khakis”, “and you find out, they never made tank-tops in the first place”
    I have to admit, there’s nothing more funny than a joke that posits 1,000 died for nothing. But maybe that’s just because I’m ex-military.
    Actually I didn’t flip off at that point. It was the ‘we support the troops (as they die for nothing)’ cya at the end (and the ‘balance’ of the Michael Moore joke (he’s fat, ya know)) that did me in. Sorry to dissapoint.

  30. JEH Avatar
    JEH

    Jeff
    This afternoon on Judy Woodruff “Inside Politics” CNN they had a short piece on what the blogs thought of the Academy Awards last night. They mentioned you and “Buzzmachine” and quoted you on the “Tapioca” comment….Judy responded ” Well—some people like Tapioca”——duh :)

  31. Gregg Avatar
    Gregg

    That was the first Oscars I’ve watched for more than ten minutes in a long time, I really think award shows are a real waste of an evening unless you or someone you know is nominated.
    But commenting on the Oscars on a blog is well worth your time, I see.

  32. pdq332 Avatar
    pdq332

    Anyway, Bush fans really need a humor transplant when it comes to jokes about the president. I don’t assume they were clicking off their TVs to protest Clinton scandal jokes in 1998 and 1999.
    Actually, I thought the Clinton jokes were pathetic too. In fact, the whole Ken Starr business coupled with the specter of extremist evangelical Christians controlling the White House convinced me to vote for Gore in 2000. The Dems lost me after 9/11 with their failure to see the big picture, a failure which continues to this day.
    For example, a good friend of mine who happens to be a democratic pollster down south keeps trying to convince me that the “Left Behind” in the “No Child Left Behind” act is a reference to the rapture. First off, who cares? And give me a break: are evangelists trying to get kids into heaven with better test scores? i would dismiss it as just an oddity in my friends otherwise rational worldview except that none other than Bill Moyers spouts such nonsense from time to time, recently inventing a quote from James Watt of Reagan cabinet fame to support the case that the evangelicals (the Commies du jour) are coming. (Oh MY!)
    What does it have to do with humor? The Dems are flying high on their own hot air, and a steady barrage of humor might bring them back down to earth. The best parody site on the web IMHO is http://blamebush.typepad.com/blamebush for this very reason. Echos of the “No Child Left Behind” paranoia are heard in their recent entry about how the “conservative MSM” is helping Bush pull the wool over our eyes because John Negroponte is not, in fact, an African-American. Now THAT’S funny.

  33. YetAnotherRick Avatar
    YetAnotherRick

    When the choice is between dog poop and Tapioca…
    Mmmm…Tapioca!

  34. Gunny Avatar
    Gunny

    Was planning on doing a thorough take on the Oscars but fell asleep. Thanks for watching for me, Jeff.

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