Shoeless Jeff

Shoeless Jeff

: When I go through airport security, I take off my shoes and jackets and pull out my laptop and stow my change and phone and get through quickly and when it’s all done — even when I’ve switched flights at the last minute and, as a result, end up being flagged for special screening — I always say, “Thank you.” I’m damned glad these guys are inspecting us because I’ve seen what happens when we don’t.

And so I got pissed reading Joe Sharky’s travel column in The Times today about a guy who gets pissy about taking off his shoes.

Mr. Coop, who is from San Jose, Calif., says he will travel about 160,000 miles this year. “If I have enough time, I will decline to take my shoes off, just to see what’s going to happen on the other side,” he says.

Twit.

Now I certainly understand women getting pissy about being felt up by pervy TSA guys and I expect the bad guys to be exposed and fired.

But taking off your shoes? What’s the big, boy? We actually know that a bozo terrorist tried to use his shoe as a weapon of mass murder. So take off your damned shoes, guy, and stop wasting the time of the TSA agents — whom I’ve found to be consistently courteous and professional — and the people in line behind you.

: When I was in Toronto, I went up the CN Tower — which, by the way, was a weird experience, since I already don’t like heights and after 9/11 I have nightmares about city towers; I stayed to the back of the elevator and wouldn’t go anywhere near the glass for 1,200 feet up (yes, kids, Daddy’s a wimp). But one thing made me comfortable: Every tourist had to stand inside a contraption with little jets that spritzed air all over us. “What’s it detecting?” I asked the guard, who looked uncomfortable and said nothing. “Explosives?” I asked. He nodded. “I’m glad you do it,” I said. “So am I,” he said.

19 responses to “Shoeless Jeff”

  1. Mumblix Grumph Avatar
    Mumblix Grumph

    Actually, I’d LIKE to see what happens when the ass refuses to take off his shoes. In fact, what I’d really like to see is him making funny jokes about the plastique hidden in his penny loafers!
    Ah yes, I’d get a huge kick out of the whole show, as long as I wasn’t in line behind him.

  2. Amy Langfield Avatar

    They now have those air-jet explosive sniffers in place for the Statue of Liberty tour, too.

  3. shell Avatar

    My problem with the shoes is that they don’t tell you if you’re supposed to take your shoes off or not until you’ve already left the chairs behind. So you either balance on one foot while trying to de-shoe, or you go back to the chairs, with your luggage, purse, and coat having already gone through the machine and waiting at the other end where anyone can pick it up.
    I can only hope that most airports are more organized about it than mine seems to be.

  4. Jim in Texas Avatar
    Jim in Texas

    Apropos the CN tower, my wife also lurked near the elevator. What I watched in delight for over 20 minutes was the reaction of children, boys mainly, say 5

  5. Steve Avatar

    And so we give up a little bit more of our freedom and our dignity. Assume the position and quit your bitching, eh? It’s all for your own good. Want to see the regulation that allows us to feel you up? Sorry, that’s Security Sensitive Information — the regulation is classified.
    Most of this airport nonsense is simply what Bruce Schneier calls “security theater” (see http://www.schneier.com/ for his writings on the subject) and does nothing other than desensitize citizens to the ever encroaching security state.
    Next on the horizon are “x-ray” cameras which will perform a virtual strip search of everyone going through the security lines.
    Hey, how about a nice body cavity search? Don’t forget to thank the nice TSA agent when she’s done.

  6. John Avatar

    Travel to Israel and look the least bit suspicious, and you’ll discover the glories of a cavity search. Board any flight in India and you’ll get a friendly frisking that seems to focus on crotches. Several countries allow absolutely no carry-on whatsoever; others will take batteries out of anything that has them.
    Having had too many friends and colleagues killed in terrorist attacks, from PA-103 through 9/11, I’m perfectly happy to bare my possessions–or my ass–if that’s what the security doods want.
    The way I work the equation is thus: My inconvenience is a far lower price than my death.
    Buy loafers; invest in loafer manufacturers. That system is going to be with us for a long time. Just take your shoes off automatically, placing them in the container with your jacket, and you’ll never be surprised.
    X-Raying (it’s not actually X-Rays, but whatever) everyone who boards sounds perfectly fine to me. If some TSA folks are going to get off on those images, they’re welcome to take their jollies at my expense. It doesn’t cost me a damn thing.
    The ultimate in airline security, of course, would be to have all passengers naked, then gassed asleep for the duration of the flight. We could probably get airfares knocked down considerably: wouldn’t need flight attendants; wouldn’t need in-flight food or entertainment; could stack the passengers in more tightly. And just think! No more getting a seatback in the face when you least want it. And lots of knee room!

  7. Steve Talbert Avatar
    Steve Talbert

    As a weekly flyer to different places in the US from Chicago, I think the security measures are only put in place to make people feel we need a “war president”. More people will die in the US this year from lack of flu shots (est at 30,000 by the government) compared to terrorist related deaths during the past 10 years combined. I am more concerned they aren’t screening people for the flu.
    If the government was really concerned about saving lives, they would stop second hand smoke. (EPA says a whole lot more than 30,000 additional deaths per year in the US)

  8. DRW Avatar

    Steve:
    As I sit here in a Manhattan office building, I’m much more concerned about the possibilty of being blown to bits at my desk or on my train home from Grand Central than dying from the flu or second hand smoke this afternoon – no matter whatever the stats. Just my opinion though.

  9. The Sanity Inspector Avatar

    The ex-patriate columnist Fred Reed has a very cynical view of all the security:
    http://www.fredoneverything.net/BackToDC.shtml
    A friend swears the public likes this terror stuff because it gives the appearance of meaning to lives that don

  10. pianoman Avatar

    The last time I went through TSA, they stated that you weren’t required to take off your shoes, but that if you didn’t that you would automatically go through the “second stage” of screening. So I guess it’s not a requirement, but it does make the process go smoother.
    Steve: You don’t have a right to travel on a plane. If you don’t want to be inconvenienced, then rent a car. Most Americans don’t believe that we’re on the Road To Fascism just because we need to kick off our shoes at the airport.
    To any TSA personnel reading this post: Thanks for the service you provide.

  11. Vinny Avatar

    Some airports (BWI for instance) now require nearly everyone to take their shoes off. Loafers or some other easy-on/easy-off shoe is definately the way to go.
    I know each airport security varies, I think this frustrates the middle group of fliers more than anything. Not those that travel enough to know to expect the differences and the unpredictability. And not those that haven’t really flown since 9/11 or maybe only fly once every two or three years.
    But the ones in the middle – they always seem to be the biggest whiners at the check points. Regardless of 9/11 it is just like everything else, quit you’re bitchin and quit holdin’ up the line. We’re ALL in a hurry to get somewhere, you’re not that special. You complaining isn’t going to do anything but slow things down.
    As far as security since 9/11, I like it. The more visible the better in my opinion. Even if it isn’t as effective as we might think. Perception is everything.
    I’d like to see the National Guard back out at the airports with their BDUs and M-16s on a regular basis. Now THEY made me feel safe, even if they weren’t flying with me.
    They’re very presence made me feel the least bit uneasy, and I wasn’t even doing anything wrong. I’d like to think they would give a terrorist enough reason to pause.
    But, that’s just me.

  12. Steve Avatar

    To DRW: As someone who rides a frequently packed commuter train every morning and evening, I share your concerns about being blown to bits, etc.
    However, my point is that most of the TSA “security theater” doesn’t make us safer by one iota. It just makes us less free. I, personally, have gotten to the point where I fear travelling by plane, not because of the virtually infinitisimal likelihood that al Qaeda is going to use the aircraft I am riding in, along with me and my fellow passengers, as a flying bomb, but that some TSA agent is going to take a dislike to my reading material or my shoes or my clothing (I once had a TSA inspector make suggestions on what wearing apparel would be “airport friendly” — I see a new line of clothing in the making there). I like to read political books but I now fear taking them with me on a plane for fear of getting hassled by the TSA.
    To pianoman: So I don’t have a right to fly on an airplane? Perhaps not. So, perhaps it would be appropriate for one of the guardians to tell me what rights I do have. I suspect that the answer is darned few these days. Can someone please remind me of the freedoms for which we are allegedly waging war around the globe again?
    Shoes may be no big deal but what happens when someone trys to pull something by hiding a weapon, say a garrote in the lining of their pants. Do we then require everyone to submit their pants for a hand inspection? Where exactly do you call a halt? Or do you give away a little bit more freedom and privacy. How long will it be until you have none at all?
    Driving an automobile is not even a “right” — by accepting a drivers license you accept the principle of “implied consent” which, according to the Supreme Court seems to mean consent to having a dog sniff your car just in case there may be drugs.
    While we have all this pointless security theater in our airports and, increasingly, elsewhere, real security measures, such as reinforced cockpit doors that stay locked for the entire flight, port security, and better training for security personel to teach them to be good “cops on the beat”, go by the wayside.
    And, of course, the real security measure, a rational foreign policy and, heaven forfend, an energy policy that did not seem to require propping up every petty (and not so petty) Middle Eastern tyrant sitting on a patch of oil, goes completely wanting.
    Yes, huzzahs to the TSA for all the wonderful work they do. I just sure wish I felt safer for it.

  13. Vinny Avatar

    I know this isn’t a security blog, but I found this after commenting and I thought this thread might find this interesting.
    http://www.defensetech.org/archives/001241.html
    As if you weren’t nervous enough in the airport. The Transportation Security Administration has started to hunt for technologies that’ll secretly spot “suspicious behavior” in passengers.

  14. hey Avatar

    it’s all about hardening the target…
    is it all that effective? no, but it’s better than nothing…
    and the “privacy” people are angry about effective measures (full scans on everyone) as well as ineffective measures.
    you can’t just “la la la” your way out of this… we are at war, we have been at war for 25 years, we are likely to be at war for 50 more (unless we have to end it very quickly and permanently, which would be horrible), so bloody well get used to it. we’re not just as bad, we don’t deserve it, or any of your marxist defeatist bs.
    defence against others is one of 2 legitimate actions of government (the other being maintaining civil order through criminal and civil courts / enforcement of contracts), but to hear many “libertarians” (really leftists or nihilists) even that isn’t legitimate…
    and no, you don’t have the right to use any specific means of transportation… you can’t be banned from traveling among the states if you’re a citizen, but your means of travel can be restricted (say no horses in cases of an outbreak of hoof and mouth, or no personal autos in severe gas shortages)… people have very sloppy and weak ideas as to what are “rights” and what are not…
    when security is set up to stop mass murder, and you don’t want to abide by it, it’s your own damn problem.
    and no, the government can’t effectively “save” the lives of most (95%) of the people who die of the flu or of 2nd hand smoke… most of these are old/sick people who need a proximate cause of death, and it would have been something else if not for what you advocate targeting.
    terrorism hits young, healthy people who would not be dead for decades if not for the attack that kills them (unlike most flu or smoke deaths). it also kills very many people at once, has a goal of changing policy (the flu has no aims besides replication), and can be deterred (you can’t deter cancer).
    i’m disgusted with the self hating pacifists who want to surrender… do you really think we can all “just get along”? have you not been seeing what is happening in holland or france???

  15. Andrew | BB Avatar

    I too thank the people. Why? Because they’re workers, doing a job – and a very boring one. And because I know a lot of other people give them grief.
    Unlike many – apparently – I’m rarely in a rush at the airport because I, you know, plan.
    But I’m more with Steve Talbert there on quite how much good it will do.
    And I’m sure I’m not the only one who has thought of easy ways to get a razor blade through the checkpoints. I’m sure I’m not the only one whose friends and/or family have stories to tell of unintentionally getting through with little knives and nail clippers on their keychains – only to discover that fact later.
    And I’m sure I’m not the only one who has noticed a distinct lack of stories about these TSA workers having discovered anything significant.
    But I still say “thank you” because, as far as I can tell, little of that is their fault. And if something gets through on their watch – they’re already going to feel the guilt.

  16. scott partee Avatar

    Here in Atlanta, we have Neil Boortz, who gets all fat , balding, middle aged men whipped into a frenzy over their agony at being searched in the airport. I see it all the time, and can peg a Boortz listener a mile away.

  17. Steve Avatar

    One more note and then I’m done with this pointless give and take.
    To those who feel that being frisked at the airport is a small price to pay for “security”, an argument I’ve heard numerous times and implicit in the arguments I see in this forum, at what point do the small prices become too high? Where would you draw the line? A full body scan? Strip search? Body cavity searches for everyone? Random police searches of your car? Your home? What’s your limit? Or does a never ending and unwinnable so-called war justify any intrusion, any incursion into personal space necessary to “stop mass murder”?
    So we harden the target. So the terrorists find a new, softer target. Maybe a commuter train. Maybe a movie theater. Maybe a church. Maybe a popular restaurant. Maybe a freeway overpass. Do we harden everything to such an extent that we all become prisoners, unable to move about without a permit from the authorities or being subjected to the search of our belongings and persons at any time at the whim of a government or private security agent?
    Where does it stop? Where do you say stop? Just tell me that.
    And if, given these intrusive measures, we do manage to “win” this putative War on Terror, tell me exactly what it is we’ve won.

  18. Uncle Mikey Avatar

    I have actually tried the shoe-removal refusal, a number of times, and what happens is exactly nothing. I didn’t make a speech about it, and none of the many security personnel who noticed each time said a word. I’ve seen Richard Reid’s shoes, and I would want them scanned too, but when they’re scanning flip flops and women’s sandals it gives the whole operation an air of silliness.
    I’m endlessly willing to cooperate in the WoT, but not one terrorist has been caught in the billions of airport scans since 9/11. I don’t think one ever will be, if they have a lick of sense (which is debatable, I know). Being an ass and inconveniencing people is another matter, but not complying with silly regulations is practically the American pastime.

  19. John from Wuzzadem Avatar

    As someone has posted earlier traveling by air is not a right. You won’t find it in the consitution or bill of rights and you are not entitled to refuse compliance with security personnel.
    Try getting on a plane in Israel with any kind of attitude at all – ain’t gonna happen. Why? Because they decided they weren’t going to let terrorists blow their citizens up or hijack their aircraft.
    And claiming that the security measures which are in place now have not prevented another attack is to ignore the fact that these measures are also meant as deterrents.
    When Richard Reid was caught and arrested I watched the local news and saw interviews of 5 or 6 travelers at LAX talking about the new shoe-removal requirements. Each of them said they had “no problem” because they felt it was for their own benefit. I told my wife I’d give it 6 months. I was wrong. 3 months later there was a story on the same newcast featuring travelers at LAX complaining about having to remove their shoes. How soon se forget.