FCC follies

FCC follies

: The FCC have been quite the busy little beavers.

: Live is dead. As a result of a $3.5 million consent decree agreement with Viacom to settle all its indecency complaints — except for Janet Jackson — the company will now put delay equipment on all its TV and radio shows.

More fun: The company must provide indecency training for all on-air personnel within 30 days. That means they’re going to give Howard Stern potty training. I wonder whether they will have to give Dan Rather potty training, too.

If the FCC finds against an a Viacom station in the future, the company must suspend all employees involved pending an investigation. So, folks, when the FCC decides to bring its latest fine against Stern next month, he would be suspended. Say hello to satellite.

The pig spit commissioners Michael Copps and Kevin Martin don’t think it goes far enough. If any bloggers ever see either of these guys in a porn store, please take a picture of them and forward it, please.

: The FCC oh so generously decided not to fine three shows that had received complaints. Compare these, if you will, to other shows that have gotten complaints recently. Farts and whipped cream got complaints. These did not:

: Keen Eddie did not get fined for having a whore sexually excite a horse.

Commissioners Kathleen Abernathy and Jonathan Adelstein concur but with skewed logic. The entire rationale behind the FCC’s authority is to protect children from nastiness, yet they say: “… whether a program is suitable for our children is not the standard that as Commissioners of this agency we must apply….”

Getaloada this high-horse moment: “:We are, however, compelled by the Constitution not to overreach our limited authority in this area and impose our taste and personal judgments on the rest of America. If we overstep our authority, we run the risk of having our limited authority curtailed forever.” As well you should, you fools. What are you doing but imposing your taste and personal judgments on the rest of America? What are you doing but that? You damned well should have your authority curtailed forever.

The horrid Kevin Martin dissents with this gem: “Yet, the majority concludes that the program, in which a prostitute is hired to sexually arouse a horse by removing her blouse and to ‘extract’ semen from the horse, is not indecent because the prostitute is ‘never seen actually touching’ the horse. Despite my colleagues