Box life

Box life

: I have a strange thing for Ikea; have since I first walked into its pine-sawdust-scented space. It’s the perfect store for the unhandy handyman, that’s me. It’s a store that makes a social statement: Poor young people need to sit, too. I bragged for years that I got an entire dining room set in the back of my Honda Civic hatchback; it’s a damned engineering marvel. And the meatballs are good.

It’s so crazed that my wife and I actually went to vacation in Sweden because we (I) liked Ikea so much: Any country that can create this must be worth visiting, I said. And it was worth visiting: A country with the culture of Europe and the convenience of America with beautiful women (they really) where everyone speaks better English than anyone in America.

When I started Entertainment Weekly, famed adman Donny Deutsch, then a bit of whippersnapper, was our agency and when he got the Ikea account, I sat in my office and showed him my Ikea furniture there and told him all the Ikea furniture we had in our home. “Man,” Donny said, “you are seriously disturbed.” That’s how Donny talked even then. I think there was an F word in there somewhere.

Most of our Ikea furniture is gone, now that we’ve grown up. Just last week, the kid-tolerant coffee tables went. Some shelves will never die but all in all, our Ikea is fading like the color of my hair.

But it’s still in my genes, my Ikea fetish. So when I saw this on Gizmodo, I wanted to get it and sit on the floor and make a chair again, for old time’s sake.

chairfix.jpg

9 responses to “Box life”

  1. Daniel Olovsson Avatar

    How nice to read that you liked Sweden (wich is the country I come from). Keep up the good work.
    Mvh Daniel

  2. Elizabeth Grigg Avatar

    You should read the beginning of the book “Fight Club” – it’s a great spoof on ikea conformity

  3. Andrea Harris Avatar

    I’d like to try some of that Ikea conformity. The nearest store to me is in Virginia. I called them to talk about possibly having some of their furniture shipped, and found out that they’ll be building a store somewhere in Florida in 2006. That’s a good thing, because the only other way I’ll be able to get myself some Ikea goods is if I rent a U-Haul and drive to Virginia myself. (It would be cheaper than shipping anything from there.)
    As to complimenting Sweden… it would have been nicer if the phrase “where everyone speaks better English than anyone in America” had been left out of the praise. There are about 280 million Americans, Jeff. Surely one or two of them speak English at least as impeccably as a Swede. Put yourself down if you must, but I would think that the past couple of years might have taught you that it’s not exactly wise to slam all your fellow citizens just to kiss foreign ass.

  4. scott Avatar

    Fun stuff, now I wanna go to Sweden.
    Ikea reminds of my first job at a Start-Up. I interviewed on a Wednesday for the Receptionist position.
    After a three-hour grilling they said, “You’re hired, so come in Sunday and build your desk… and better build one for your supervisor, she starts Monday too.”

  5. Jeff Jarvis Avatar

    Oh, for gawd’s sake, Andrea, you’re getting PC about Sweden?!? Jeesh. If Americans can’t take a joke then the Swedes have won!….

  6. ScottB Avatar

    Thanks for the memories of heading down the Jersey turnpike with boxes sticking out of my Saturn, Jeff. Ikea = optimism.

  7. gabriel chapman Avatar

    I always thought Ikea was Swedish for “cheap”

  8. Andrea Harris Avatar

    Jeff, if that was a joke, it was pretty lame. Unless you were making fun of the way the Swedes speak English… no, that would be a pretty lame joke too.
    A lot of people think Swedes are especially great because of stuff like their furniture design (I must say I prefer Scandinavian design to just about anything American, except Mission style), Volvos (overpriced here, IMHO) and Ingmar Bergman. Swedes are human too. Just remember they also provided us with Abba.*
    *Not that there is anything wrong with Abba. I am sure that “Dancing Queen” was a fine song before I heard it ten thousand times, and — true confession — I own a 45″ of “SOS.”