The ‘griping’ of the 9/11 families

The ‘griping’ of the 9/11 families
: Mark McCormick, a columnist on the Witchita Eagle, says he has had his fill of hearing complaints from the families of the victims of 9/11.

He tiptoes up to that most delicate subject as gingerly as he can. He starts by telling the story of an airplane crash almost 40 years ago that took the lives of his grandmother, uncle, and 5-year-old cousin. But he says that the families of those victims did the best they could to move on.

That’s why I found the criticism of the trade center memorial by surviving family members so disturbing.

This follows other complaints from family members about federal settlements averaging $1.6 million offered in exchange for not filing wrongful-death suits against the airlines.

They’re hurting, and that’s easy to understand. But they’re acting as if they are the only people in the world who’ve ever lost a loved one to tragedy. Somehow they’ve come to believe the memorial belongs only to them.

The 9/11 attacks touched us all — if not through agonizing hours of dialing and redialing into busy signals in an attempt to reach loved ones in the crumbled twin towers, then through the ever-present thoughts that maybe it can happen here.

And since when does someone owe us something when we lose a loved one?

The families of the men and women killed in Afghanistan and Iraq while trying to prevent future terrorist attacks certainly won’t collect million-dollar checks. And as controversial as this war has become, U.S. soldiers may never get a memorial honoring their brave service….

My sister says my aunt likely gravitated to my nephews, my cousins and me because, as little boys, we didn’t remind her of the little girl she’d lost. She died in February 1995, and I can’t remember her ever complaining that someone owed her for the loss of her child.

And here we have people complaining about our society funding a multimillion-dollar memorial and million-dollar settlements?

My God.

Whatever happened to “thank you”?

A reader, Theron J. Abbott, sent me that link with the prediction that it could stir up some controversy and it probably will.

But McCormick is, from a distance, launching a backlash we could see coming.

The New York Post a few weeks ago approached the same topic even more gingerly, talking about the whether grief alone is the goal of the memorial.

No one can stand before the families of the victims of 9/11 in grief and recompense. But those families also need to remember that this is everyone’s loss, everyone’s tragedy and the memorial belongs to no one but future generations.

20 responses to “The ‘griping’ of the 9/11 families”

  1. Tired Avatar

    He’s right! This memorial is for America. If they want a personal memorial, they can use part of that 1.6M that they get and bulid one in their own yard, for future generations to wonder why it is there. That 1.6M is a lot more than most people who have lost loved ones (and decided not to have insurance) ever come close to.
    Some people’s greed overwhelm my sympathy for their grief.

  2. Patterico Avatar

    I will agree that 9/11 touched everyone, but not as much as the ones whose family members and friends died. And money can’t replace those people — and I’m sure every last one of them would give the money back if it could. So can we please leave their settlements out of this discussion?

  3. KMK Avatar

    I agree it’s not about money and the memorial has nothing to do with any money they receive. Unless your suggesting they can be bought off. In order to construct the memorial with their loved ones names the families should have had some small say in it. It is the burial place of their family members. How would you like it if someone arbitrarily decided what should go on the final resting place of your loved one? Would you be happy if you didn’t like the inscription? The families and the people of NY deserved a say. The memorial committee doesn’t deserve a thank you. They were narrow minded and chose the plan that best represented the original drawing by Lin. Not much work in that.

  4. Patterico Avatar

    Also a good point that I had not thought of, KMK.

  5. Donnah Avatar

    It’s the burial place of their family members? There are still human remains at Ground Zero?

  6. Patterico Avatar

    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

  7. kkl Avatar

    I have no opinion about the memorial selected, but I assume the selection committee included a person who represented the families. Any memorial selected would please some and displease others. Its the nature of memorials.
    I do have a problem with the families who want more than $1.6 million (or who don’t want the life insurance offset included in the calculations). Don’t get me wrong, I wish the US had not been attacked, and I am haunted by the enormity of the loss of life. But–as the author points out, Service members curently fighting terrorism aren’t going to get $1.6 if they die; IIRC, their families will receive $250K. Granted, the military know what they are signing up to do (as do police officers and fire fighters), but I can’t help but think about the loss of life in club fires this last year. Those folks were victims as well. Wonder what their families will receive in compensation.
    No amount of money can make up for the loss of a loved one, and the vast majority of Americans believe $1.6 million for survivng family members is quite generous. The fight for more money is unseemly and makes me very uncomfortable.

  8. KMK Avatar

    Ground zero was a crematorium. It burned for days. I was concerned with the dust in my apartment after 9/11 not to mention the debris on the streets. My friends and I went to my dads in Brooklyn Heights the next day and found his backyard buried in paper debris. We called the police station and they asked us to box everything and turn it into them. I assume it went to be sorted. And if I’m not mistaken they are going to fill the ground in at the site with the remaining ash. So, yes it’s a burial site.

  9. KMK Avatar

    The money the families are entitled to is from a special victims fund set up and donated into for them. I would have no problem donating money to a special fund set up for Servicemen and women who have lost their lives in the line of duty. I’ve donated money to quite a few funds LT Smash alerted readers too and also sent a box of toys to Chief Wiggles in Iraq for kids and quite recently sent money to Mercy Corps. to help with the disaster relief in Bam, Iran. I was never so disgusted then when the red cross came out after 9/11 and said wow thanks for all the donations but it’s not all going for disaster relief in NY, but thanks.

  10. Jeff Jarvis Avatar

    KMK: The fund referred to is from the federal government.

  11. KMK Avatar

    Ahh, that’s what I get for skimming. This is about federal settlements offered in exchange for not filing wrongful-death suits against the airlines. My mistake. It doesn’t really make the article sit any better. Telling people to grateful for what they get and move on is still rude. I’m sure they would all give it up in a heartbeat to have their loved one back.

  12. kkl Avatar

    KMK, I guess we are opposite sides of the same coin. I think it is rude for the families to hold out for more federal (tax-payor) dollars (and I had forgotten about all of the private dollars they’ll get/have gotten). We both agree that money doesn’t make up for their losses. Quibbling about the monetary settlement makes it sound like the families just want to “cash in.” Sorry, I know it sounds harsh.
    The thing I don’t know is how the total (not just government) settlements from Lockerbee, Club fires, and 9/11 stack up. If the 9/11 settlement is much lower than the others, I’d easily change my opinion. If not, it sounds like cashing in.
    How horrible it must have been to have all of the debris to deal with. Thank you for sharing that with us.

  13. Ughman Avatar

    I wonder if the WTC victims’ suriving families ever think about the Oklahoma City bombing families? As I recall, those in Oklahoma didn’t get million-dollar checks, did they? Of course, they weren’t high-paid stock brokers, just middle-class government workers.
    I absolutely don’t want to minimize their suffering. But I also wonder how many priveleges these people will have that others of similar circumstances won’t?

  14. John Avatar

    I lost a friend on Sept.11, Jimmy Audiffred, a poker buddy. We both love Maine – for him it was the lighthouses, for me, the lobsters.
    Knowing him as well as I do, I know he wouldn’t want to be remember as a victim. All this bitching, whining and moaning about the memorial is nothing more than a symptom of victimhood that has gripped some families. He would have said,”Get over it. Get on with your lives.” His wife Robin has and so have we. We may leave an empty chair on poker night not in memory of a victim of a horrible crime but in memory of a good friend now gone.

  15. KMK Avatar

    I’m not privy to the lawsuit specifics. I think the settlement fund is more of a federal bailout of the airline and insurance industry. It sounds like a better way to go then having to go through each individual lawsuit which would tie up the courts no doubt costing more. I think the Lockerbie settlement was 170 million and there were 170 people on board. I think they initially were offered 33 million. And Ughman – cafeteria workers, janitors, firefighters, policemen the layman list goes on it wasn’t just stockbrokers. A lot of people lost a lot that day and maybe the arguing is somehow keeping the memory alive and maybe some would just like to have a memorial worthy of the day instead of something artsy. It’s just not my place to tell anyone to get on with it. The article just stung something that hasn’t healed yet. Just my opinion, that’s all.

  16. Tori Avatar

    Here’s a controversial thought, one which makes me kind of sick to suggest it, but…
    Isn’t this essentially the same argument Ted Rall made in his infamous “Terror Widows” strip, several years instead of months removed? That many of the relatives of victims of 9/11 stand to gain thanks to the tragedy, and appear to be terribly unabashedly unashamed about it? Even to the point of using the memory of the event to manipulate public and private opinion for greater gain?
    Ugh. Ok, now that I’m done with Devil’s Advocate, I’m off to find some Listerine for my brain.

  17. Tori Avatar

    Oh, man. The shame at voicing that thought just doesn’t go away. I feel so gross, and sorry and wrong.

  18. KMK Avatar

    Such guilt Tory. No one is wrong for suggesting these families are going to gain monetarily from this. They will. It just removes the human being and the loss. Our legal system places an earning potential on each life, subtracts the age at death and viola your life is reduced to a sum of money. I think the memorial had potential to bring life back into the equation. I think others are arguing the point that tragedy happens all the time with no monetary compensation at all and life goes on. All I can say to that is start a fund and people will donate to help the family through it.

  19. Anonymous Avatar
    Anonymous

    The same thing happened in Worcester, MA when the firefighters were killed a few years ago, there were endless funds and contributions with hundreds of thousands of dollars donated, plus scholarships for all the kids left behind, but all I remember is one widow complaining that she was only going to get x amount of money from the state for his death..it made me stop contributing to the funds.
    And, less than a week after the RI Club fire where over 100 people died, people were talking about a fund for the families and how much money they would get…which the state of RI did set up.
    I think we have set a precedent, it’s the “”someone has to pay”” mentality, its the same reason people sue over the smallest thing….what is it this week….””I watch too much TV so I am going to sue the cable company””.
    thanks

  20. Marcel Perez Avatar
    Marcel Perez

    I am in no way trivializing or trying to diminish the significance of the nation’s loss on 9/11/2002. But closure becomes the goal of any survivor of a lost loved one.
    When the road to closure is potholed by issues of blame and monetary compensation, the ride is going to be expectedly rough.
    Many thousands of Americans die each year, with the large majority of them covered by modest life insurance, if anything at all. Because of the circumstances of the 9/11 disaster, these lives became especially valued… far beyond the common victim of crime, fire, and auto accident.
    For obvious geo-political reasons, and the perceived partial responsibility of the US Government, this tragedy became an issue of contentious debate. Who caused the tragedy; what was the motive; was the US government culpable for not preventing it?
    Almost immediately, voluntary contributions, relief fund raisers and survivor compensation programs were in place or in the planning.
    This, separate issue, beyond the situation of the actual attack, became a story of it’s own. Who was going to get what, how much, and when would survivors of the 3,000 plus victims receive the money.
    This unfortunate side-story was an embarrassment to all of us. People’s lives were suddenly being given relative value based on a laundry list of variables: whether the victim was a fire fighter or policeman; how much independent life insurance did the victim have; who was eligible for other compensation through the donations of sympathetic American citizens.
    The final average compensation of $1.6 million seems fair and generous, to me. Yet it seems trivial to others.
    Let us not get things out of proportion, here. This was an aberrant incident, highly politically inflamed, and unique in our history. If, God forbid, it happens again, I hope a plan is in place to avoid the uncomely scene that we viewed over the aftermath. Furthermore, we have to avoid the appearance of assigning our citizen’s lives different valuations based on political expediencies.