Lo-Jack for hikers

Lo-Jack for hikers
: I have a slightly different take on the story of the hiker who had to hack off his own arm with a pocketknife to free himself from a boulder.

Yes, of course, it’s a story of amazing courage and fortitude and of the human will to live.

But I’m also getting tired of stories of hikers who get themselves in trouble in the wilderness and then expect that it is their right to be rescued at public expense and at the rescuers’ risk. Remember the story of the rescue chopper that crashed on a mountain about a year ago.

So I have a humble proposal: Require hikers and natureboys and girls to carry human Lo-Jacks: If you get in trouble, you activate it and you can be found precisely. Otherwise, you’re on your own.

It may not be a bad idea to implant them in all human beings. Then we wouldn’t have to listen to the emotional voyeurism on Today about the tragedies of Laci Peterson and Tristen “Buddy” Meyers.

  • Reid

    And that’ll also make it easier for the powerful to track you down and silence you if you get uppity.
    I think you started with a decent proposal and veered right off the cliff.

  • Implant an electronic tracking device in all humans??? Are you out of your freaking gourd? The potential for abuse makes my head spin!

  • Don

    I have to agree with Reid and Dave. The potential for abuse is staggering. If it were ever required, I would refuse, no matter the cost.

  • Turn down the “seriousness” dial, guys. I won’t say I was joking but I was extending the point for effect. Of course, I’m not advocating GPS implants in all humans. I’m using that as a way to say that I’m sick of stories of lost humans on TV and wish there were a way to fix it.

  • Kate

    But this guy wasn’t lost. He got crushed by a rock. People knew where he was. Jeff, you’re a great guy, but you have no clue about the outdoors.

  • Kate: No, the rescuers said that if he had not freed himself they never would have found him because they did not know where he was and he would not have been visible from a helicopter. So a Lo-Jack would have shown them where he was. You’re a great gal, Kate, but you have no clue about technology… ;-)

  • RR Ryan

    Breitling makes a watch that provides such a function. I believe that it employs a single use transmitter that the company reloads at no charge so long as a genuine emergency is involved. Neat item.

  • Pyecraft

    You happen to know if Saddam was wearing one?

  • Alien Control Center

    Humans Reid, Don, and Dave are on to our implants. Have then picked up and remove implant from anus, by anal probe.
    Planetary Commander Sector 19 (Sol 3)

  • Ben

    The accident took place on a day hike/bike ride in Canyonlands, similar to what millions of park visitors do every year. What happened to Ralston was a matter of bad luck on a normal hike, not bad desicion making. Your arguement is like blaming people for driving cars despite the risk for having a motor vehicle accident. Granted, some people undertake risky backcountry expeditions, but this was not one of them.

  • Andy Freeman

    > Your arguement is like blaming people for driving cars despite the risk for having a motor vehicle accident.
    Actually, his argument is like expecting folks to pay for tows when their cars break down. Curiously enough, is how it is done.
    As for the tin-foil crowd, the suggested signaling device is active only when the person wants help. Don’t want to be found? Don’t hit the button.

  • Charlie

    Good Lord! Andy has it right with the “tin foil crowd”. Jeff didn’t say anything about “implanted”.
    But this guy wasn’t out on the usual day hike, either: he was out, off the normal trails, with no one aware of his plans, location, or expected time to arrive. He was what we in the West call, technically, “a moron”. Had he taken the least precautions, like telling people where to look for him if he wasn’t back by Tuesday, he wouldn’t have needed to pay coyote-in-a-leg-trap.
    (Remember, children: never go into the back country without matches, water, a knife, a flashlight, and a well-known plan for where you expect to go and when you should be back.)